Short Shorts
by Luveniar FurElise
Summary: Short funnies. Basically just an excuse for my weirdness. Something new July 28! Happy Reading!
1. Goal

Out of nowhere, a paper football landed on top of the article she'd been reading. Cameron lowered her glasses and glared across the room, trying to force back a grin at the same time.

"Chase!" she said. "How many times do I have to remind you that this desk is _Foreman's_ goal? You're supposed to kick towards the door!"


	2. Tag

Foreman sat at the conference table going through his flash cards for the third time that day. Chase looked up from his crossword puzzle, chewing absently on the end of his pen. "I'll, uhh…be right back." He said.

"Yeah." Foreman replied. "Hey, could you grab me a soda from down the hall?" He tossed Chase a dollar.

"Sure," Chase said, and quickly headed for the door.

He had been gone almost thirty minutes when Foreman finally decided to make sure he hadn't gotten lost in the nurse's lounge again. As he stood waiting for the elevator, the door opened.

"Foreman?" Chase asked loudly.

"Where have you been," he replied, looking up.

_Thwoiiing!_

Chase shot him square in the forehead with one of those suction-cup darts. "Tag, you're it," he said with an idiot grin.


	3. Superglue

Cuddy looked around nervously as she entered House's office. She tiptoed over to his desk and placed his Vicodin refill where he would be sure to see that she'd gotten it for him.

When House came back to his office from the clinic an hour later, he spied the bottle. "Hello, friend," he said to himself. He opened the bottle to shake a pill out, but nothing happened. He looked closely and reached a finger in, but the pills were all stuck together and to the inside of the little brown bottle.

"Wilson!" He yelled, bolting up from the chair.

Cuddy snickered from down the hall, the small tube of superglue safely tucked in her pocket.


	4. Chicago

**A/N: **Okay, I promised I'd never write a songfic, but what I meant was that I'd never write a serious one. I popped Chicago into the stereo this morning (hubby's at work, my daughter loves music as much as I do, and daytime TV is boring) and I thought this would be funny.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House. Or Chicago. But I have CD's. Yeah.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

The ducklings were all down in the clinic; Cuddy was off at a conference in Trenton. House put Chicago on the record player at top volume and started belting it out: "You are my love and my life, you are my inspiration. Just you 'n me, simple and free," he danced around a little bit and played air drums. "Lovin' you girl is so damn easy, yeah, yeah."

Just then Cameron pushed open the door to his office with her eyes wide. "House?" She shouted. "Are you insane? They'd never play Chicago on the show! Now turn it down or something, we can hear you all the way downstairs!" And with that she walked quickly back to the elevator, snickering all the way.

The End.


	5. Marco, Polo, Ringo

**A/N: **Another smoke break inspired bit of drabble. I chose Ringo because we share the same birthday, forty years apart, of course.

**Disclaimer: **Umm…can't think of anything witty just now. I don't own House.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Chase and Foreman were taking a break in the conference room while they waited for House to come back from the clinic.

"Marco," said Chase.

"Polo," Foreman replied.

"Marco."

"Polo."

They continued this for a while and didn't hear the door open from House's office.

"Ringo," House added.

They both looked at House, puzzled.

"What?" House asked, eyes wide. "You've never played this game with a third person before?"

The End


	6. The Contest

**A/N: **My husband and I do this once in a while. He always wins. See what happens when insomnia strikes?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House. I do not own a mouse. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

"Spaz," Cameron began. The three of them were sitting around the conference table without a case, and House had been ordered to clinic duty all day.

"Geek," said Chase.

"Lameoid," Foreman put forth.

Cameron paused, trying to come up with something. They had already been at it for about ten minutes. "Damn, I guess I'm out. I always lose this game!"

The boys snickered at her. "You just need to stop being so nice," explained Foreman. "Chase, it's your turn."

"Right, okay, umm…" he furrowed his brow. "Asshat."

"Dirtbag," Foreman replied.

Chase: "Jerk."

Cameron piped up, "You lose, Chase. That's the first thing I came up with, remember?"

"Crap," he said, "you're right."

"Pay up," Foreman grinned. Chase and Cameron each slapped a fifty on the table in front of him. "Thanks guys. Can I buy you lunch?"

The End


	7. One Man Show

**A/N: **Originally my first drabble.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House.

I do not own House.

I do not own House.

I do not own House.

I do not own House.

Where's Bart Simpson when you need him? Anyway, on with it:

GHMDGHMDGHMD

"There we go," House grinned as he placed the little plastic top hat on Steve's head. It had been left behind in one of the exam rooms in the clinic that day. "Wilson, are you ready?"

"House," Wilson frowned, "do I have to do this? Is there a hidden camera somewhere I should know about?"

"No," House snapped with an evil grin. "Now get ready!"

Wilson sighed and stood up as House began playing _The Entertainer_ on the piano. And then…

_Tap, tap, tappity tap!_

House actually laughed. "With me and The Citizen on the piano, Steve in his oh-so-fancy top hat, and you in those tap shoes, we have the perfect one-man show!"

The

End


	8. Drains

**A/N: **Was watching Finding Nemo yesterday with my daughter and this came out of my twisted brain.

**Disclaimer: **What do we put this in our stories for again?

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Wilson watched with a frown as House wrote his name on a five dollar bill, tucked it in a plastic bag, and proceeded to flush it down the toilet. He then tossed his pager at Wilson, who barely caught it and finally asked, "House, what in the hell are you doing?"

House looked at him and said, "If Cuddy pages me, tell her I ran off to Vegas with a hooker. I gotta go to Atlantic City for a few days."

"What for?" Wilson asked, bewildered.

House's face turned serious. "I heard somewhere that all drains lead to the ocean. I need to check it out."

The End


	9. Jingle

**A/N: **Don't you hate it when commercial jingles get stuck in your head? This is what happens. Not that great, but hey, I wrote it, so I'm posting it.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own House. I think I'm going to have a stamp made.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Cuddy was walking down the hall towards the Diagnostics department when she started to hear something…strange.

"Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener," it was coming from more than one voice, and it sounded as if these singers had…their noses plugged? She slowed down and peeked around the corner.

Sure enough, the three of them were sitting at the conference table, Chase with his feet up, Foreman with a cup of coffee in his other hand, and Cameron actually sitting _on _the table, trying not to laugh as she sang.

Cuddy shook her head and proceeded towards them. She opened the door quietly and interrupted. "Doctor Chase. Doctor Cameron. Doctor Foreman," she said through a strained smile, "Maybe I should find the three of you new assignments. One House is enough." They stared at her with wide-eyed innocence until she finally left the room.

Wilson stepped out from behind the bookcase where he'd been hiding. "Okay guys, you got me," he said sheepishly and handed them each a fifty.

The End


	10. Hi My Name is Forman

**A/N: **Anybody writing fanfic about something should at least know how to spell character names. Period.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Hous. Haha.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Cameron was busy at the conference table filling out some forms for the department when Foreman came in. He set his shoulder bag down and went to get some coffee when he noticed something.

"Cameron, what are you doing?" She looked up, puzzled behind her glasses.

"I'm filling out some forms we need." She stated plainly, and went back to writing.

He sat down in the chair next to her and scooted it as close to her as possible. "You've known me for nearly two years now. My name is spelled F-O-R-E-M-A-N. Do I need to write that in permanent ink on your arm for you?" He got up, slightly exasperated, and pushed back out through the door.

"Huh, that's weird." Cameron thought to herself. "I've been spelling it wrong all this time."

The End


	11. Eric Foreman and Eric Foreman

**A/N: **I know it's probably not an original thought, but it's still kind of funny. Watch That 70's Show, for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Eric Foreman or Eric Foreman.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Doctor Eric Foreman sat in line at the DMV, tapping his foot impatiently. There were about thirty people there that morning, at least six of which he could tell should be waiting in line at the PPTH clinic instead. On his right sat a blonde, picking at her nail polish and probably here for her second or third try at the driving test. To his left was a guy with messy hair, looked like he needed a cut bad, wearing a polo shirt with wide, horizontal stripes.

After a few minutes, a DMV employee walked out to the waiting room, clipboard in hand. "Eric Foreman?" The woman looked around as Dr. Foreman raised a hand.

"I'm Eric Foreman," he said.

"I'm Eric Foreman," said the guy to his left.

They looked at each other for a moment and then back to the woman with the clipboard.

"Uh, I'll be right back," she said, and walked off, confused.

"Your name is Eric Foreman?" Said polo-shirt-guy.

"Yeah," Dr. Foreman said, defensively. "Yours too? That's weird."

"Yeah." Polo-shirt-guy laughed. "I'll have to tell Donna about this one."

"Who's Donna?"

The End


	12. Paradox

**A/N: **I've been playing aroundon MySpace way too much lately. And this one is kind of lame. But that's what happens when you don't lay off the caffeine.

**Disclaimer:** I will own House someday…just you wait!

GHMDGHMDGHMD

Cameron sat at the conference table, typing furiously on her laptop. Needless to say, she didn't hear House's familiar step come up behind her. "What are you doing?" He asked with a frown. "And who is that…Hugh Laurie…some new pop star or something?"

Cameron whipped around, her face flushed pink. She had been putting up more pictures on her MySpace page and was typing a quick message out to her best friend, who thought she was insane because she kept becoming infatuated with men nearly twice her age.

"House!" She exclaimed. "It's, umm….nothing." She shut her laptop with a flick of her small hand.

"Good. Wouldn't want you falling all over someone besides me." He hobbled into his office, where he immediately switched on the television.

"Yeah," Cameron said to herself with a frown, as she opened her laptop back up and stared into those crystal blues…..

The End


	13. The Gift

**A/N: **Set during/post _Damned if You Do_; here's something my oddball mind came up with for the gift to House from Cameron. I didn't have time to review the ep, so if I got the wrapping paper colors wrong or something, be nice.At the time, she'd never have done it, but maybe this year she would. For those of you waiting for the next chapter of 'Truth,' it is being worked on, and I have a three-day weekend this week as well. Happy reading!

GHMDGHMDGHMD

She came into his office late that night before leaving, timidly as always, and handed him a smallish box wrapped in gold and red paper. "Merry Christmas," she murmured, and quickly headed back out into the hospital. She hadn't given him time to say anything, not that he would have anyway.

He sat down, placed the box on top of his desk, and pondered it for a moment, resting his chin on the handle of his cane. He turned back to his computer and decided not to open it just yet.

After he was sure she'd gone home, he carefully opened the box to reveal a smaller box that read 'Dr. Frank's Joint and Muscle Pain Relief Spray!' It had an 'As Seen on TV' sticker attached to it and a picture of some hokey fake doctor. He frowned and set it aside. Underneath this drug-store type box lay a note:

'_Now_ I'm mocking you. Merry Christmas, House.'


	14. Paradox II

**A/N: **Inspiration! I'm working on Dark Skies this weekend also, for those reading that…no promises though. Another idea I got at work. The pic I'm referring to can be found of you google 'Jennifer Morrison online' and go to the carniverous carnival site... I went looking for it for my little brother.

GHMDGHMDGHMD

"Cameron!" House barked through the open door from his office.

"Yeah," she answered as she sifted through the file cabinet.

"Get in here!" She couldn't tell if he was being impatient or not. Cameron closed the file drawer and headed into his office.

House casually crossed his legs at the ankles and folded his hands behind his head as he swiveled in his chair to look at her, amusement playing behind his blue eyes. "So…ever heard of _Stuff_ magazine?" He asked casually as he raised an eyebrow.

She could feel her face blush as she recalled the modeling she'd done back in her first couple years of college. She swallowed hard as she tried to sound nonchalant. "Yeah, sure, it's a men's magazine, like GQ. Why?"

"I think you know why," he stated plainly as he gestured towards his computer screen. Cameron walked, shaking ever so slightly, around his desk and saw one of those old modeling pictures covering his entire screen. She was leaning against a support beam on the roof of a building; she remembered that it had been unusually warm the night they'd done that photo shoot. She wore a small, shiny leather skirt that didn't cover much more than her ass, and a string bikini top to match. She nearly laughed, bit her lip, and turned back to House.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah…I modeled in college. I have the proofs at my apartment if you ever want to come over and see some more." As she walked away and down the hall with a little smile on her face, she missed the gape that she'd put on House's.

fin


End file.
